Now if you follow me on twitter you may have somewhat of an idea what this post is about if you don’t stop fucking reading go follow me and comeback, It will make your life at least a little better hearing my inane ramblings.
Girlfriends, Herpes, and Homosexuality
So about a month ago I was at a wine tasting, if you’ve never been to one I highly suggest you start going. Theyre essentially huge parties where everyone gets hammered under the guise of being classy and drinking wine, girls LOVE these things. This particular wine tasting happens to be a really big one that my friends and I all go to every year and it’s always a blast.
Since this thing is classy (well at least it pretends to be) we all dressed up and I must say your boy was looking good. I’ve been on a bit of hot streak lately so in an environment like this I knew it was going to be a good day. Theres actually a few more stories from this one event that I could probably write about and a few more girls I’m in the process of closing that I met there so I will undoubtedly reference this event again in the future. For the sake of keeping my posts relatively short and manageable to digest quickly I’ll focus on one individual girl that I met and the ensuing drama.
As one of my friends and I are walking around looking for some winerys that we are familiar with we walk past a tall brunette whose neck cranes to stare back at me. With my radar always on I catch it but make no reference to it or her but my friend caught it as well and was quick to point out “Man, that chick just eye fucked the shit out of you!” thanks for the player helps but please believe I saw it. Now right after this happens all of a sudden I hear someone call out “Jack, Jack” in a familiar voice I turnaround to find a different friends girlfriend with said hot brunette in tow. Turns out they worked together and the brunette commented on me to her (told you I was looking good) to which my buddys girlfriend told her that she knew me and would introduce us. Now anytime you’re introduced to a chick like this its super awkward as she now knows that I know that she likes me but its great if youre the one with the upper hand. We exchanged pleasantries then I excused myself so I could go see my other friends and told her wed catch up later. No need to waste time on her now that I know it’s already teed up right?!
After the event we all met up and her and I made plans to hangout. We made out for a while and I think I could have smashed that night but I was wasted and if you’ve read “Chasing The Dragon” you know I like to bring it on my first performance and that damn for sure wasnt happening. We also talked about going to see the “Childish Gambino” concert in a couple of weeks so all was well. Now Ive got a pretty short attention span with girls and based on our conversations I could tell this bitch was kind of crazy so my friends and I decided to roll to the concert by ourselves, I don’t think this is a big deal since I havent talked to this girl about the show since that night…..BIG MISTAKE.
Now if you know me (which obviously none of you do) you would know that I’m pretty chill almost to a fault and never show stress. When I actually do have a problem I handle it behind closed doors as not to air my dirty laundry, this girl did NOT live her life the same way. If you know anything about the show we were at the dude starts off with stand up comedy before breaking into a full-blown hip hop show, sounds weird I know but its awesome, I digress. While he’s performing his stand up I hear a shrill voice scream in this quiet ass room “There he is!” Now I’m 6’5 so its pretty easy to find me in any crowd I turnaround to see the voice and see her and her friend coming at me. From the beginning they’re both clearly drunk as fuck and they both start going off yelling at me. I quickly usher these two fucking crazies out to the back patio so everyone can enjoy the show in peace without hearing two nutty bitches yelling at me. As were on the patio they’re both unloading and I’m just kind of zoned out waiting for them to finish so I can listen to the show till the girl drops this on me “I don’t know why you don’t want to fuck me!? Every guy I meet wants to fuck me so you must either have a girlfriend, herpes, or you’re fucking gay” At this point Id finally had enough so I put them both in their place told them to get the fuck out of my face and wed talk about it tomorrow when shed sobered up since she was embarrassing herself and me, that line seemed to shut them down.
So the next day she calls me and apologizes profusely and takes me out for dinner and drinks which brings me to now. I havent had sex with her yet and she’s made it clear that’s all she wants but I’m not fucking buying it, not with that bat shit crazy ass outburst. So now I’m left to figure out fuck her and risk the crazy fallout or cut my losses. All suggestions on this one are welcome!
That asshole VK (kidding obviously, dude seems really cool and we’ve actually exchanged some emails) had a Childish Gambino song on his blog the other day but I don’t give a fuck and I’m putting up one too for the song this week since its directly correlated to this post. We can have a bench off if he wants to settle it. If you don’t know who he is check him out, dude is crazy talented. He’s got 2 mixtapes and an EP if you want any of them they’re free downloads and if you’re too lazy to look for them email and I’ll send you the link.