Category Archives: Hook Ups

Shut The Fuck Up

Marcus Aurelius had a dream that was the Manosphere and this is not it, this is not it. So after successfully being brow beaten by Fly Fresh and Young and Dagonet to write more here I am before you, your humble author ready to jump back in. While I stopped writing for a bit I never really left the Manosphere, I was actively tweeting my ass off and reading everyone elses blogs along with Rooshs forum. My problem was boredom, randomly writing about banging girls wasn’t all that interesting to me since banging random girls is a pretty regular occurrence but recently something has caught my eye which finally got me off the bench and back in the game so hang onto your dicks and let’s get to it.

When I first stumbled across this little universe of ours I couldn’t get enough of it, while I’ve never read a book on game I loved everyone’s interesting stories, views on the opposite sex, and being exposed to other like-minded individuals who pushed me to be better. In the past few months though our corner of the internet has become far more polluted with negativity, I recently tweeted about needing to cut some friends out of my real life and feel as if it needs to be done with my online persona as well….but not before one last-ditch effort to save my brethren.

Now I don’t think its a stretch for most people to acknowledge Roosh being one of the most respected guys in the game and I’ve got the same respect for him as most. From his blog posts, to his rarely put out videos (which I actually enjoy the most), to his biggest contribution as a whole…the forum, the guy is a first ballot hall of famer. The hall of fame sports analogy here works perfect because much like people trying to emulate their favorite sports stars I feel as if many guys who look up to Roosh do the same with his opinion of American women. Now its well documented that he’s not the biggest fan of American women and at times I agree with him, a large amount of them are unbearable but not even close to as many as you would be lead to believe by reading through everyone’s blogs and tweets. The problem is while hating the new stereotypical American girl is only a small sliver of what Roosh contributes to everyone it’s all a lot of you have latched onto and your woe is me “American Girls Suck” attitude is a fucking cop-out.

Guys do you want to know why you’re not getting the girls that want to look after you, cook for you, and submit to you as a man……its because you’re no fucking catch yourself. Stop bitching about how shitty American women are and realize how shitty YOU are! Pick up a book, go to the gym, travel, commit wholly to making yourself a better and more interesting person and I can promise you there will be quality women attracted to you. I’m not sure when we devolved into a group of pussies sitting around bitching about the lack of quality women but it needs to stop because it doesn’t matter. If you’re half as Alpha as most of you claim to be or strive to be even with a diminished dating pool  you’re going to go out there and take down the few remaining good chicks because Joe Average dude in America is on just as fast a decline as the women were bitching about. This thing that we have all worked so hard to create isn’t about tearing down shitty women, we all know they’re out there we get it, it’s about making all of us better men so let’s get back to what’s important……us.

We have a saying back in Texas my friends and I lived by…….”Wake Up and Be Somebody”, I hope you all do.

Songs a little old but its a good summertime hip hop song and should at least make you bob your head a little bit.

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Keeping it classy

So the weather has finally turned which leads to one of my favorite past times, the barbecue. At the first sign of warm weather my friends and I instantly decided to fire up the grill and round-up as many friends and random girls as we could. It’s amazing how many people you can attract with booze, food, and sunshine. We decided to flashback to our college undergrad days and make jungle juice (I mean who the hell doesn’t like jungle juice) and also purchased natty light for old times sake as well. Natty Light paired with steaks from Whole Foods is truly living the dream my  friends!

We ended up with about 25 people or so at the house, pretty decent for such an impromptu get together. The booze was flowing freely and before you know it everyone was drunk off their ass. A girl I’ve been talking to and I ended up in the laundry room making out a bit. Since the laundry room was right next to the kitchen we figured it would be only a matter of time before someone caught us so we decided to do what any other classy professional adults would do and we took our impromptu makeout party to the garage. In the garage things REALLY escalated quickly with one thing leading to another her pants were down and I was plowing her from behind. (not my classiest moment but the raw passion of it was great)

While losing all track of time I hear the door open as my friend comes looking for us trying to catch us in the act (what an asshole right?!) which he of course did. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever been caught having sex before but it’s quite a jarring experience. I quickly pull out and pull up my shorts as if that would prove our innocence but right as I do she was about to cum and she proceeds to squirt ALL over me. Now I’m not talking a little wet I’m talking straight porno style gusher from her vagina. I happened to be wearing khaki shorts and it now looks as if someone has thrown a glass of water all over them! With nowhere to hide  (I mean were in a fucking garage for Gods sake) we head inside to face the music. As we enter the house we receive thunderous applause, whistles, and more jokes than I can begin to remember almost all of which aimed at my soaked shorts. Note to self dont bang girls in garages anymore.

Frank Ocean has been in constant rotation for me for about the last month. As soon as the sun goes down and I want something chill to listen to its been Mr. Ocean. If you like his album you can actually download it for free.

Sleeping with Girls from the Gym by Planting the Seed

As we all know our world is going more and more towards instant gratification. Between twitter, facebook, google, and the rest of the interwebs our society has become now, now, now. While I love the fact that I can instantly find out more about some random chick I saw on TheDirty.com or find the best steak house in Miami, it sometimes takes away from one of my favorite sayings : “first you plant the seed then you fuck the plant.” In a world where everything is now few people are willing to put in the work of growing, watering, and nurturing that plant and then fucking it.

Don't think of it as a gym think of it as your greenhouse.

If you spend any amount of time in the gym you undoubtedly have seen a lot of girls there you would like to bang. If you’re anything like me (and I assume you are if you’re reading this) then the next question to yourself after thinking  you want to bang them is probably how do I bang them.

I’ve read a few people’s thoughts on picking up girls from the gym and I’m simply not buying them. Now I’m not saying they don’t work I’m just saying they don’t work for me.  People should always understand there is no canned line or response that works for everyone. You need to find out what works for you and own it.

Approaching a girl anywhere can be nerve-racking enough but doing it at the gym seems near impossible. Given the fact that you probably have headphones on, she probably has headphones on, there’s a bunch of people around, and honestly she probably doesn’t want you to talk to her even if she does find you attractive because she’s probably all sweaty and doesn’t feel attractive herself. Girls don’t want to be picked up from the gym. If you’re hitting on girls at the gym you look like a fucking creep, I don’t care what you think and no you are not the exception.

Hey douchebag, dont hit on me right now, I'm at the gym not a fucking bar.

Yes I know the title of this post was banging girls from the gym not giving you all the reasons on why you wont bang girls from the gym so I’ll get to it now. In “Crabs in a Bucket” I made a reference to how I look at girls like I want to fuck them a lot,  the gym is no different. (DISCLAIMER: This is an art form and there is an EXTREMELY thin line of coming off really creepy if performed incorrectly so proceed at your own risk.) When I see girls at the gym I find attractive I try to make strong eye contact with them a few times throughout our workout. The next time I see her at the gym (which will most likely be the next day as most people end up working out at similar times every day) I do the same thing. You see hundreds of people at the gym through the course of your workout most of which are nameless faceless people as you go through your routine. She does the same thing and you are the same nameless faceless person to her unless you do something to set yourself apart. With repeated strong eye contact over the course of multiple gym sessions she will now begin to remember your face at which point you can begin exchanging a familiar smile or hello.

I would imagine the place you workout is somewhere close to where you either live or work. Coincidentally I would imagine you probably go out somewhere close to where you either live or work, guess what so does  she. (by she here I mean the dozen or so cute girls at your gym that you’ve got pregnant with your eyes countless times over the past however long you’ve worked out at your gym planting seeds)  Now when you go out to the bar and you see some cute girl from the gym you now have the perfect opener and you already come off safer than a stranger due to the level of familiarity shes built with you at the gym.

I’ve been working out at the same gym for the past 18 months and I’ve slept with 8 girls that workout there. Six Ive approached at bars and 2 have come up to me asking if I remembered them from the gym. Now I know this seems like you need luck to run into these girls out but you don’t need as much as you probably think. This is a very high #s game as who knows how many cute girls there are at your gym and you can be planting seeds with literally ALL of them. (I understand this is a somewhat passive approach but I look at it like this, the gym is a place you should probably be anyway and using the above method is a welcome byproduct of taking care of yourself)

My man Black Joe Lewis and The Honeybears are the shit this kind of music is definitely not for everyone but they’re one of my favorites. If nothing else I’m sure you guys can relate to some of the lyrics.

Moral Dilemma Aftermath

I was originally going to tackle this in the comment section of the original post but it ended up being too weird of a night not to get its own post. Woke up Saturday morning at the crack of noon and decided to head to the gym to get a few miles in (I figured it best to offset the massive amounts of calories I would be drinking later and no one likes a Fatty McButterPants). Wrapped up my workout, showered, and headed to a sports bar to watch some college football games. I really felt like going back to sleep for a bit but one of my good friends from undergrad was in town so I had to make an appearance. Roll into the bar and its dollar beers, that should have been my first clue as to what the night was going to have in store. Its 2 pm and I’m drinking beers like its last call and I’ve got an ugly girlfriend to go home to, now I am by no means old but I’m certainly not as young as I once was and 12 hour marathon drinking sessions aren’t gonna end well for anyone. (Thankfully my friends gf who was there had some adderall which she was kind enough to hook me up with)

My friend who’s in town is a straight degen so I know its gonna be aggressive since he’s somewhat repressed now that he lives on the east coast with his lady and doesn’t get to cut loose as much as he once did. He’s ordering shots and beers, all while skillfully working the phone with his bookie betting on more things than I thought humanly possible. After 5 hours of non stop drinking and shit talking football came to its merciful end, I exchanged hugs (whatever, he’s my boy and I see him once a year, don’t you judge me) and made my way to my car.

Now I’ve got two hours to kill before I meet up for the birthday festivities so I swing by my friend’s house who lives on the way to recharge the batteries before going out, no such luck. For some reason all he’s got at his house is white wine, which he’s plowing through. Rather than let him look like a homo drinking his pino by himself I quickly saddle up. We catch up for a bit while playing Halo and drinking white wine, we were like a some hybrid of middle-aged divorced soccer mom and frat boy.

While we’re talking my phone goes off and I get a few texts from my ex gf seeing what I’m doing tonight. It’s a mutual friends birthday tonight but I’ve been told in advance she declined to go which I’m stoked about since she’s been trying to get back together ever since we broke up. It’s now 9 so its time for me to meet everyone so I hop in the car and give her a call back feeling great because I know she’s not coming out and now she can’t yell at me for not calling her back. After exchanging some casual ex conversation she asks what I’m doing and now after I tell her all of a sudden says shell see me soon since she’s going too. Of fucking course she is! Why I called her that early I have no idea!? The dollar beers mixed with white wine clearly had nothing to do with it.

At the first spot it’s just my boy and some chick he’s been trying to holler at for a while, he’s had this chick on the back burner for a bit because she’s got a man plus the girl hes dating is SUPER hot. At the end of the bar I see a girl with fantastic tits and a pretty face (yes, I noticed her tits first) with a lumberjack of a friend but she’s eyeing me right when I get in (tits not lumberjack well lumberjack was too but she should be so lucky) so I figure why not warm up for the night on her as we exchange a few looks and smiles. As I’m about to make my way over in walks the ex and my hopes and dreams of finding out what this girl screams like quickly go down the drain. Finishing up our beers it’s now time to head out to meet everyone, as I walk out she smiles and waves and my sad penis and I muster a head nod back. In the words of Young MC “and there’s one more girl I wont be getting”

There ends up being  a pretty large group of us so I get a table for 16 and we make our way to sit down, of course ex gf and ex-wife (my friend/acquaintances from part 1 not mine) jockey for position to sit by me and sure enough they end up on either side. (The captain has turned on the “fasten seatbelts” sign as we are now expecting some turbulence. ) At the entire table the only person who knows about both girls is my friend whose birthday it is so he’s got the sloppiest grin as he watches this all unfold before his eyes. Now I read a lot of other people’s blogs and forums and I hear guys who have never been laid or even kissed a girl for that matter and I know that they would cut off a finger to trade places with me but at this point fuck them, I’m miserable. Each girl has her hand on my leg unbeknownst to the other and whenever I talk to one the others hands move higher up my leg, its like some weird 3some is about to happen and I’m the only one who knows it. I sit there in awkardville population: me. for the next 3 hours and proceed to just get WASTED until thankfully my ex gf decides to call it a night. At first relief washes over me but now I realize its about to get interesting as the only thing stopping me (well other than my loose morals) from hooking up with ex-wife is now leaving.

The group has now thinned down to 6 people consisting of ex-wife and ex wifes two friends, myself, birthday boy, and one of our boys and we head to another bar.

The booze is still flowing fast and furious and ex-wife is feeling REAL comfortable and is rubbing my legs and kissing my ear like we’ve been dating for months. Knowing I’ve got to re group if I want any hope of not hooking up with her I excuse myself from the table. Most guys would honestly slap their moms to hook up with this girl so I can’t believe I’m hanging on this long. Quickly I jump up and make a loop around the bar to survey the lay of the land and the next thing you know I feel a hand on my chest, ex wife? Nope. Ex gf? Wrong again. Random chick from the gym who I had the dirtiest (in a good way) sex of my life with? Yep! This damn night cant get any weirder for me other than my mom walking into the bar on a date with my boss (which thankfully didn’t happen). I talk to gym girl for a while and end up making out with her on the patio, all while feeling my phone going nuts in my back pocket like a vibrator. I start to think of salvation, I’ll leave with gym girl have another round of freaky circus sex hitting her with the Cirque Du Soleil, the M-16, the JR. Ewing, and closing with the A-Town down.  Visions of drunk sex with her vanish almost as quickly as Becky McGreatTits at the first bar when she says she has to take her friends home…now.

I return to my table and say I ran into a friend and was catching up (I mean that’s kind of true right?). We bang out a few more shots and you can see that everyone is fading fast and closing time is rapidly approaching so we settle up and make our way to the exit. As we start to leave ex-wife hangs back with me a bit and grabs me and shoves her tongue down my throat annnnnndddd it was fucking awesome. Shes a great kisser and I am such a sucker for a good make out session I can’t stop. I pull myself away not wanting the rest of our group to see while she keeps trying to pull my face back towards hers. Managing to get to the parking lot with only minimal damage to my morals I score it as a small victory. Ex wife rode with her friend and birthday boy needs a ride home so I quickly say I’ll take him in a last-ditch effort to stop myself from slipping into the abyss of utter scum bagness. I drop him off and make my way home until I realize that ex-wife now lives about 3 blocks from my place and she’s sent me 8 texts telling me to come over.

This is the part of the story where I want to say how good I am, that I am a man of the utmost moral fiber, that my lighthouse of righteousness never goes dark and that I went home but it’s not.

This is the part of the story where I tell you I went to her house and she opened the door and we start going at it immediately, this is the part of the story where I tell you I couldn’t get her clothes off fast enough and underneath those clothes was arguably the most perfect body and perfect set of fake tits I’ve ever seen, this is the part of the story where I tell you I carried her upstairs while inside her and proceeded to have some of the best drunk sex I’ve ever had in my life, this is the part of the story where I’m a dirtbag.

 

Moral Dilemma

As I prepare for the weekends activities, I am faced with an inevitable situation that I can only imagine will test my moral compass to its very limits. Now I’m sure it’s not how a woman feels when faced with the choice of keeping a baby or a parent trying to decide which drowning child to save but in my relatively  easy existence it seems pretty God damn difficult.

An acquaintance/friend of mine but definitely erring closer to the side of acquaintance is in the process of getting a divorce (God you already know where this is going don’t you). His wife is honestly model level hot. Now ever since I met them 4 years ago, which was a little before they got married, I always got a strange vibe from her, like she was into me but I really didn’t put much thought into it. As the years have gone by I’ve only been around her a handful of times but I still pick up on that same vibe, which intensified recently which I thought was odd until I found out they were getting divorced. After I found out about what was going on she and I began texting rather frequently and she confirmed what I had thought all along, that she always had a thing for me. In the beginning I was rather excited, I mean I knew it was wrong but this chick is REALLY fucking hot. Then, like a real pussy my conscience began to get the best of me and I cut communication off with her completely which brings me now to the impending moral dilemma.

A friend of mine who is an absolute scumbag (in the most endearing way possible) is celebrating his birthday this weekend down in Gas Lamp, hes invited said ex-wife to the party in hopes of hooking up with one of her hot friends or her if he can, I mean like I said the guys a scumbag. As I sit here behind this keyboard my moral fiber seems rather resolute but I know tomorrow when the shots start coming and the vodka is flowing this rock of a man may quickly be reduced to a shadow of his former self.

My internal monologue has been waging a war against itself all day debating on why I should or shouldnt hook up with her. On the one hand I can’t think of a straight man alive who wouldn’t want to have sex with this girl but then on the other hand I keep telling myself that the guy is my friend which is quickly refuted internally with him not being THAT good a friend.

Hmmmmmmm decisions decisions…………

Vancouver

Got back from Vancouver last night and the city was an absolute blast, one I highly recommend. Landed pretty early in the morning and took the train from the airport to my hotel (just get on without paying, it’s like 10 bucks but no one checks your ticket. I didn’t pay for it again the rest of the time I was there)  Decided to  stay at the Fairmont Pacific Rim (kinda pricey so definitely not for everyone but work picks up the tab for me) which is near the waterfront a few blocks away from Granville (street filled with bars) and another slightly more sketchy bar district.

I’m clearly conditioned to Americans both men and women and was blown away by how nice Canadians are. If you go up there and you’re not an asshole the people there will wholly embrace you. It was really easy to start a conversation with any girl simply by politely introducing myself and then asking what other bars were good since I was from out-of-town. They would of course ask where I was from and once I told them “the states” it was on and they instantly wanted to talk more.

The first night I met two Canadian girls outside of a bar smoking a cigarette with the opener I used above and they invited me out for the night. First we went to some sketchy bar called The Cambie then to a house party where I got stoned out of my mind. Seems like EVERYONE up there smokes and you can do it just about anywhere with little worry. There seem to be two very different scenes in Vancouver one slightly resembles Scottsdale and the other reminds of Seattle. Needless to say the house party I was at with the weed flowing freely was more the Seattle crowd which usually isn’t my type of girl but this girl was really cute despite her hippy demeanor. We got high and made out for a while I think she was as happy to have a story about hooking up with some random American as I was about hooking up with some random Canadian hippy. Meh, either way I didn’t give a shit.

The next night I went to Granville which is the main drag of bars in Vancouver and started at some random bar whose name I don’t remember probably because the place sucked and the only cute girls there were the waitresses. They said this club down the street called The Roxy was cool so I decided to check it out. The place was absolutely packed with a live band playing (I think, Id had a lot of Kokanees by that point. Canadians do NOT play around with their beers) and there were a decent amount of girls there but it seemed like they were all in big groups. The place seemed kind of dumpy to me that coupled with the noise levels and how packed the place was I left pretty quick to some bar across the street where I figured I would fare better. Across the street is  “The Speakeasy” it had a pretty laid back feel to it so I grabbed a chair next to a table full of girls and set up shop. The waitress was cute so I hung out with her for a bit feeling out the girls next to me. I decided to go out front and grab a smoke and figure out my in when two of the girls followed me outside to smoke as well, they bummed a light and my problem was solved. They turned out to be 6 Au Pairs from all over the world who all lived in Canada now. The one who asked me for the light was from Wales and was clearly interested but I didn’t know what to do with her friend. My isolation of a girl is pretty much TERRIBLE so I just sat there making conversation with both of them till we went inside. We went inside and they asked me to join them so now my problem is even worse seeing as how I couldn’t isolate her from one and now I was up against five more. I made conversation with the table then excused myself back to the hotel whiffing on one that was teed up for me. (any suggestions on isolation would be welcome)

Every one says Americans have a bad rap in foreign countries which I think is true but you can use that to your advantage if you play your cards right. If you tone down the cocky attitude that you would use in a bar back home and just act genuinely nice you catch people off guard with their built up perceptions of what most Americans are like and the next thing you know they’re bending over backwards to help you……or for you.